Monthly Archives: January 2016

The Light of my Life

January 28, 2016


The Universe is made up of light; some of it is visible to physical eyes, but most of it is not. The light that we see reflected off solid surfaces gives us an idea of where our bodies are in space. But our spirits are not of the visible spectrum.

So what contains our spirit? And is our spirit contained at all?

When I emit love, there is an energetic light that is different from the energy I emit when I’m angry. The energy of love includes; the energy of anger or judgment excludes. In other words, the subtext of my physical body is either embracing or rejecting.

Have you ever met a person who said the right words but emitted an energy that was abrasive? You felt like you were bothering them, (you were!) and you couldn’t wait to get off the phone, or out of the room?

And have you ever met a person whose very being, although maybe they don’t speak at all, emits love, acceptance and good will? All of us have these experiences, if we are paying attention.

I had a wonderful experience when I was in the nursing home/rehabilitation clinic, learning to walk again after a long illness.

It didn’t start out wonderful.

The nurses aids had to do everything for me; I was unable even to shift myself in the bed if I my back was crooked. Needless to say, I couldn’t take care of my most basic needs. The nurses were overworked and underpaid; that was immediately apparent. I tried not to bother them excessively – storing up things to ask for (e.g. a tooth brush, a comb) for a time when I truly needed help. I was completely dependent – couldn’t sit up alone, would flop over if not propped. So it was a little scary when, as frequently happened, I pushed my bed-side button, and help didn’t come. The wait was typically several minutes; but sometimes it was hours before they could respond. Seriously, a three-hour wait was not uncommon.

There are many inconveniences inherent in that, but I’ll leave those to your imagination. What was even more difficult for me was the energy that some of the nurse’s aids emitted when they finally arrived. (Mind you, not all of them! Some were consistently gentle.)  I’m talking about the ones who just really, really, REALLY  wanted to get off work. And they didn’t appreciate you bothering them with requests.

I don’t enjoy it when people dislike me. So, I tried everything to make it more pleasant for myself. I tried charming them,. When that didn’t work, I tried scolding them. When that didn’t work, I complained to their superiors (on the three-hour-wait occasions). That actually worked, for the rest of that day . . . but then it was back to business-as-usual. I found myself feeling annoyed and frustrated. A lot.

It had been very different during my one-month hospital stay (prior to the nursing home/rehab clinic). Then, although near death, I was filled with wonder and gratitude for the loving care shown to me by friends, family and staff. I was, at that time, more aware of my gratitude than of my thoughts about death. I was not afraid to die. So, my “near-death” experience had actually been light filled.

Not so the nursing home. At first.

There’s nothing like needing something personal and necessary, and having the only person who can help you be angry, roughly handling your body, and seeming to hate you for what they had to help you with.

So what to do? I’d already tried everything every thing my mind could conjure. Then it finally occurred to me! I can’t change them; I can only change me! I know that. Why did it take me all those weeks to remember?

So! I decided to change my own attitude of frustration and annoyance. I wanted to feel (ironically) as good as I did when I was close to death in the hospital. I wanted to feel love and gratitude, because love and gratitude feels so very good. Frustration and helplessness feels bad.

From that moment on I began a nightly ritual. Before I went to sleep, I took an inventory of people who had triggered me that day. Then, I imagined that person, or persons, as bodies of light. I imagined myself as a body of light, holding their hands. I looked into their spirits, past their behavior, past their personality, past their beliefs (about me or about anything) and past my beliefs about them. I looked for their divine essence – the part of them that KNOWs we are connected to each other by light. And then, I asked them to help me love them, as they needed to be loved. I stayed with the meditation until I felt my heart soften toward them, falling in love with their true Selves.

And that’s how I have gone to sleep happy, every night since.

The first morning after, I had a thought: Could I hold onto these feelings of love and connection, once I was treated unkindly again?

Well . . . I never found out.

Because from that moment on, in every single case, the person with whom I had joined myself in light treated me with love and care.


It was a miracle. I knew then that I had discovered something not just mystical and a little woo-woo but tangible and very powerful .

Yes, the Universe is made up of light. And yes it’s light from the visible spectrum that tells us where we are in space. But the light we can’t see? That’s what can transform our world.

If love calls, love answers. It’s an interaction made of beautiful, beautiful Light.